Fairygawdzad mixes as I decide to pour out a little. I’ve been hearing music again. My vision is returning. I know it is the reason. I need to call my Granny to check. I need to send her a gift. It’s been a year since my Mommo died & my father has been feeling the season too. I think the ram has wet my tongue & my heart is hotter. I’ve been accessing my archival knowledge. Most of my data are experiments toward theories of relation. I’ve been activating my perimeters. My boundaries have new courses. Domestically, I’ve decided to choose peace offerings. I’ve broken up with an angel. So what!? My love’s oeuvre has been filled with miscommunications between divine creatures.
I tell my students to leave gossamer over their bodies of work. Teaching reminds me of my utility. I easily spiral into manufactured worthlessness. I’m the first to convince myself I deserve nothing. I’m so bad, so difficult, so particular. I can only teach students. I can only grow children. Everything else costs, so I must calculate myself into another economy.
In my horizon exists another solar return. This is the first one I hope not to waste on a half wank of an ex-husband. I’ve foolishly fumbled my favorite day two years in a row. I’m blessed to have a family here now. They are planning excitement. I deserve. I’m getting adored in the ways I’ve claimed. I claim Now my vision in hopes of a similar power. I butterfly into spring needing more wingspan & breeze but know I can feel it coming.